Germany IV

Visiting my father
I did go only after 3 or 4 days the first time. There was always an issue before, not being able to see him in the nursery home.
Finally I saw him 4 days after my arrival. As I said, he has dementia, is not able to speak anymore, even though not able to walk. So he sits during the day in a wheel chair. Because my grandfather, his father, had the same disease, and I helped a lot to nurse him when I was a teenager, I knew, what to expect. Also my sister Conny very much updated me on my journey, how he is now. Also I have seen pictures before.
Lots of time during the day, he has his eyes close, so it could be irritating for some people, to visit someone, who is not speaking and having the eyes close. But this is even not an issue to me. I can accept the situation very much, as it is.
In fact, I felt a really nice connection to him, when I hold his hand, and he activly grapped also my hand – and did not want to let go. I felt a beautiful nice fine engery coming form him.
It feels like, he has diffent stages in his daily life – sleeping, – being awake, but not having the eyes open, getting in interaction with his hands or other sences, – being awake, not having the eyes open and being in somehow a meditative state, working through his stuff, – and being awake and having the eyes open, what is not so often.

Yes, it is sad, that he has to go through this all, but I cant change it.
But being with him, I know, he recognizes situations and events – but everything much slower – and he is also sometimes very moved and touched by things happening to him.
I would so much like to bring him for some days to the ocean. I know, he would love it so much, to smell the ocean again. I am working on it, have to convince my relatives, and organize help for nursering, a handicapped accomodation and a handicapped transportation….. I need a lot of luck, money and coincidences to get this together. Even though its difficult, I hope for it…………!!!!!!